Rowdy with Four

So never say never. I said I'd never home school my kids, yet I did. And I loved every moment with them. We had much needed time together. Time to bond and grow until God prepared us for the next door.

God knows the depths of our hearts and minds. He knows the decisions we will make before we speak them. For me, God knew He had to intercede and help me move into the new season of my life. It came with many whys and tears. I didn't understand, and it wasn't for me to understand.

Now that I am entering this new season. I'm just in awe with new tears of joy! It is more than my wildest dreams could have imagined. I would have missed it if God had not closed the door of my last season, locked it, and threw away the key. 

Remember, if He is closing the door of one season, He's opening the door of a new season. He knows the plans He has for you! Embrace it in faith!

A man’s heart plans his way, But the Lord directs his steps. (Proverbs 16:9 NKJV)

I was a dead woman walking.

Didn't even know it.

Dry bones.

Unable to breathe.

Tearless.

Satan's lies.

I believed.

Grave.

My destiny.

God. Crazy. Freedom.

What is this? 

I checked out the link.

Workshops.

Forgive Again.

Walk in Confidence.

Have Courage.

Feel Whole Again.

Surrender.

Go.

Sarah, Go!

I go.

Doubtful.

What am I doing here?

How did I get talked into this fashion show?

Me model?

This is not me!

Surrounded by beautiful women.

Confident.

Radiant.

Courageous.

Happy.

I sat on a row by myself.

I watched them talk.

Laugh.

Swap Stories.

I felt so out of place.

What was I doing?

Make an excuse.

Get out of this.

Registration table needs me.

Fashion show is too close to registration.

Don't you need me there?

No, Michelle said with a smile.

The schedule has changed.

Fashion show is after the video.

Plenty of time.

Looks like I'm doing this.

Can I interview you?

What?

Just share a little about your story.

Why you're here.

Unprepared?

You don't have to.

No.

I will.

God, I need you.

Why am I here?

Freedom...

Okay.

I can do this.

Just smile.

Be calm.

Stop sweating.

Fit in.

Just walk.

Speak.

I share my story.

Tears begin to flow.

Breathe.

I can breathe.

I can breathe again.

Worship.

Women Baring their Souls.

Workshops.

Life changing experiences.

These women.

My soul sisters.

They're real women.

They hurt just like me.

They have a story just like me.

They fall.

They struggle.

But, something is different.

Purpose.

They have purpose.

Below are just a few words I've heard from these women…then I'm going to share what I took away from God Crazy Freedom.

"Condition of your heart…what is it?

Rebecca Contreras

"Feed the hope, not the fear…where is your source of life coming from?"

Paige Henderson

"Reach for God's yes, and reject man's no."

Tracey Mitchell

"GET UP!"

Wendie Pett

"The power of the Holy Spirit in us can bring healing, hope, and restoration. 

From the dessert to the harvest."

Robin Bertram

"Satan wants to steal your vision, 

so he can take away your purpose, so you lose your identity in Christ."

Madison Sarah

"God will give us what we want to show us how empty it is."

Rebecca Carrell

"The battlefield is fought and won between our ears."

Punky Tolson

Now, Lisa Ostrowski.

I didn't get to quote.

I didn't attend her workshop.

She didn't share her story.

Hugs. Smiles. Joy.

Sweet. Sweet. Spirit.

Your actions speak louder than words.

Friends.

This is what I learned.

I was dead.

Dead Woman Walking.

How Long?

Not sure.

Why was I dead?

That I can answer.

I had lost my first love.

Jesus.

His Word.

His precious, precious Word.

I believed the lies.

The circumstances.

Placing the blame on others.

Rock bottom.

Going through the motions.

Trying to be good enough.

Epic Fail.

This weekend.
Easter Weekend.

God answered my prayer.
He raised me from the dead

God gave me FREEDOM.

God. Crazy. Freedom!

SHARE THE FREEDOM!

I have lived in a bubble.

A bubble of comfort.

Same town.

Same friends.

Same job.

Same church.

Same ministry.

Same. Same. Same.

Until one day.

Pop! Pop! Pop!

I feel like the disciples.

I'm in the middle of a storm.

Trapped on a boat.

All I see are the roaring waves.

Jesus is saying, "Come!"

But here I am.

Kneeling. Praying. Waiting.

Scared to conquer the waves.

Waves of doubt.

Waves of insecurity.

Waves of uncertainty.

I lack confidence.

People who know me.

They'd say, "No way!"

But it's true.

I had confidence in my bubble.

Faith in my gifts.

Confident in my talents.

Certain in my tasks.

But, God popped that bubble.

I'm no longer in my bubble.

I have the same gifts.

I have the same talents.

I'm certain he wants me to use them.

Why am I so scared?

So doubtful?

So insecure?

So uncertain?

God has a purpose for me.

He has a specific plan just for me.

He wants to use me.

I have to believe.

New friends.

New job.

 New church.

New ministry.

New. New. New.

To my husband. 

We experienced the ugliest.  

Began to sink. 

We reached for God's Hand.

He pulled us up.

I love you!

We will conquer this wave.

To my mom, best friend, and sisters.

Good. Bad. Ugly.

You're always there.

I love you!

To my friends and prayer warriors.

God said pray.

You didn't know why.

But, you prayed anyways.

Thank you!

Love you all!

Being patient.

Waiting on God.

Wanting answers.

Trying not to worry.

If only I could glimpse into the future!

Not my strong suit.

Waiting.

Wondering.

Unsure.

Living day to day.

Searching.

Looking.

Wanting to lend God a hand.

If only I could get a piece of the puzzle.

I could help.

God doesn't need my help.

But naturally I do.

I can't help but wonder.

Should I do this or that?

Is that an answer?

Could this be it?

Or is it just me?

So confused.

Doubting.

Falling into Satan's trap.

Ugh!

I want answers!

God what do you have for me?

My marriage?

My husband?

My children?

My ministry?

My purpose...

Answers, answers, answers.

I want answers.

Lead me to my knees, as I patiently wait on you!

Going through the carwash today, this song came to mind.

Last night I got a new vehicle.

Okay it's not new.

It's a used '97 Ford Expedition.

It has a story already with its dings and wear and tear.
No one else would probably have wanted this vehicle.
We couldn't be more perfect for each other.
Used. Worn. Torn.


Judging by the picture, it looks perfect on the outside.
Almost brand new.
However, the closer you look, you find the wear and tear that has come with time.
The dings, the missing handle, the many, many miles.
The first thing we always ask is…how many miles does it have?
Will it be able to run much longer?
Well this car has a lot of miles.
But I have decided miles are good!

As a Christian, I've done my best to paint a perfect picture of my not so perfect life.
Doing my best to hide my imperfections and dings of life.
Selling my perfect life to everyone I come in contact with each day.
Hoping no one notices how used, worn and torn I really am.
How I've come to a dead end in my Christian road.
Wondering if God will be able to use me again.
Am I too worn and torn?

That's what Satan wants me to believe.
He has been making me feel like a failure a lot lately.
In my marriage, in my ministry, in every aspect of my life right now.
When it rains, it pours! Right?

I had to ask myself...
How long does a new car really stay new?
Today as I was driving  and I observed the other vehicles around me.
Because I noticed all my dings, I had to compare.
I began to notice all the dings and such of the other vehicles.
Mine is not the only one!

Satan is a piece a work.
He wants me to believe that I am used, worn, and torn.
That nobody wants me.
That I am not perfect enough to belong to God
I know it's not true.

The storms come.
It pours and pours.
At times I feel like I'm drowning.
One thing keeps me above water.
My foundation in Jesus Christ.
My Rock and my Salvation.

Who is your life built on?

Is your foundation Christ Jesus?

The storms of life are going to come.

Satan is going to do his best to blow your walls down.

Your dreams, your hopes, your trust, your love…

Stand firm.


Remember you're not alone!
My life is not perfect.
I come with a lot of dings.
I have a story.
Paid in Full by Jesus Christ.
He bought me on Calvary.
A price no one else would pay for me!