Rowdy with Four

Today I am supposed to write about what makes me happy, from the little joys to the huge game changers.

Who am I? I'm a dreamer. I'm a believer. I'm a day dream believer. God put many dreams on my heart in the spring of 2014…move to the country, raise farm animals, grow a vegetable garden, sale fresh veggies and eggs, open a you pick farm, minister to kids on the farm, minister to women on the farm, open a retreat center, own our own business, and be published. These were my dreams.

Fall 2014 we moved to the country on my dad's farm. We are surrounded by 180 acres of beauty. My dad's cattle and horses run free in the fields.


Winter 2015 we brought home 30 baby chicks. They have remained my babies and they know my voice and come running.


Spring 2015 we planted seeds. Come summer we would have our first vegetable garden with squash, cucumbers, onions, okra, beans, tomatoes, and peppers.

Summer 2015 we opened our you pick farm. We spent our summer nights picking veggies and drinking tang. We made long lasting friendships with members of our community.


We also had our first 'Big' Backyard Bible Clubs and Ladies Night Outs here on the farm. God's word was shared and we were blessed to minister to children and women alike.


Fall 2015 our very own business was official. We opened Steadfast Water Well Service. We consider ourselves blessed to have the opportunity to serve our community's water well needs.


We also hosted our first annual Rock of Refuge Women's Retreat. Right now our retreat center may only consist of land, but I believe it will be so much more one day.


And my last dream…I'm still working on that. I truly believe the words God has placed on my heart will be published very soon.

P.s. Dream. Dream big. Believe. Believe in God. He's bigger than your dreams.

Help! Then you will call, and the Lord will answer; you will cry for your help, and he will say: Here am I" Isaiah 58:9 ESV

I've delayed in writing this blog. How do you write a blog when you feel defeated? I've spent most of yesterday and today in bed crying.

Don't get me wrong…the retreat was AMAZING! God was very much present and moving, so now Satan is on the attack. He is attacking me big time. He doesn't want me to share my heart.

God put it on my heart to share my greatest struggle. Many would think that would be the betrayal that entered my marriage, but that wasn't it.

I identified myself with four women in the Bible. I was that woman at the well. Living bound in sin. Dry. I was Naomi. Carrying all my burdens myself. Struggling. I was Gomer. Spending my days chasing other loves. Empty. I was Martha. Too busy being busy. Dead.

In spring 2014, God spoke these words on my heart…Where Life Begins. The theme of my heart that would become the theme of the retreat. Life begins when we come out of the grave, let go of the chains, and dress up in dignity and strength.

I am not the same woman I was on June 6, 2013, when I prayed for God to help me. I asked for revival, meekness, faithfulness, and brokenness. He heard and answered this dead girl's prayer all in His perfect timing. He showed me His power. I look back and see His hand working miracle after miracle.

It started with betrayal in my marriage. He broke me. He put my focus back on Him.

He took away all my ministries, but two. He taught me to be meek. It's not about me, but all about Him.

Broken and meek I sought God with my whole heart, soul, and mind. I found Him. He taught me what it means to be FAITHFUL to Him. It's not about being faithful to my church, ministry, or obligations. I had it all wrong.

It's being that woman at the well living in sin, but choosing to be a woman clothed in dignity, FREE from her past, ready to walk a renewed life in Christ. ALIVE!

It's about being like Naomi. We are going to have pain, trials, struggles, and dark moments. I'm struggling today with finding my value, but we can surrender it all to HIM. He is our strength.

It's about being a Gomer. Returning to our first love after chasing all the wrong loves. His love is the only love that can make us whole.

It's about being a Martha. Being still. Not talking. Just listening. He is Life. He conquered the grave. He can restore us. Give us new life. Give us new purpose.

My greatest struggle was being spiritually dead for so long and NOT even realizing it. God has made this struggle my ministry. Rock of Refuge. Sparking a heart of revival in the hearts of women.

"In you, O Lord, do I take refuge; let me never be put to shame! In your righteousness deliver me and rescue me; incline you ear to me, and save me! Be to me the rock of refuge, to which I may continually come; you have given the command to save me, for you are my rock and my fortress." Psalm 71:1-3

I'M ALIVE AND IT'S ALL BECAUSE OF JESUS!!!

"I can do all things through Him that strengthens me." Philippians 4:13

I really can't believe I'm about to say this…I truly have a heart for women. I remember the night God told me you are going to minister to women and I laughed. Kind of like when Sarah laughed when God told her she would have a son in her old age.

Today it was on the calendar to have dinner with a new friend. As usual, I was nervous. I had only talked to her one time briefly in the church parking lot. She gave me her number, and I texted her my name and said we needed to have dinner. I didn't expect her to respond with dates so quickly. She was available for the upcoming week! We planned on meeting Monday, but with the arrival of my niece we rescheduled for today. It was perfect timing.

She arrived around 4:30 as we were finishing up our outdoor chores. She went with us to feed the chickens and collect eggs. Dinner was cooking in the crockpot so we had time to sit down at the table and visit. Before I knew it, it was 6:30! Time went by so fast as we shared our Rowdy Hearts with one another.

I called the kids inside to wash their hands for dinner. We all sat around the dinner table. We took turns sharing more stories with our special guest. She helped with the dishes and we talked and talked and talked some more.

I spent most of the evening sharing my past trials I have overcome, but for the first time tonight I shared a new struggle. God has put it on my heart to write a book. To share my story. I guess I have what you call writer's block. I struggle every time I go to write. Am I suppose to share my prayers, my blog, my story…Not to mention I feel like Moses. Unqualified to write a book. I don't use big fancy words. I really need to not compare myself to others. I know God made me uniquely in His image.

Last week, I crossed paths with an author. Her book is titled Half-Written. I began to read excerpts from her book and I immediately felt defeated. Her story so similar to mine, but so beautifully written. And her title, GENIUS! I'm suppose to speak to a publisher on October 20 about my book and I don't even have a title. Honestly, after writing today, I was ready to call it quits.

Tonight I'm thankful. I had prayed that I would be able to pour into this woman, yet she poured so much into me. Already blessed by this new friendship. She encouraged me not to give up. Not to believe the lies. She even helped me come up with a title for my book…Can you guess what it is?

P.s. Follow your heart. Don't compare yourself to others. Be the woman God called you to be.