This morning I was cleaning my kitchen, doing my thing, listening and belting out all the words with my favorite country stars on Pandora...you know my good old pals Reba, Randy, Wynonna, George, and all those classic songs that are my favorite.
Then the song came on that inspired today's blog. I'd sing this song in the car as a teenager when it came on the radio...She Don't Know She's Beautiful. I've really been a sap lately, so of course the tears began to flow. This was me. THIS IS ME! I grew up believing I wasn't beautiful, and it lies dormant in my soul.
I look at the above picture of me as a child, and even then I didn't believe I was beautiful. When I looked in the mirror, all I could see was ugly. The devil began to feed me this lie as a small child in elementary school.
I remember in first grade being picked on everyday by the same girl because of the shoes I wore. She said they were boy shoes. I hated them, but my Momma still put me in them everyday. She didn't know I was being made fun of day after day because of them. The seed was planted.
The same girl continued to put me down all throughout elementary making fun of my haircuts, crooked teeth, and the clothes that I wore. Elementary years are years I've always tried to block out and forget. I felt like the ugly duckling. I struggled academically and felt dumb. I'm not even sure how I passed, but I did. The lie took root in my heart.
Middle school was a blur that flew by quickly. I began reading Seventeen magazines. I still struggled academically. I was convinced then I would never be as beautiful as those girls that were on the cover of the magazine, or the girls I sat next to in class with the flawless skin. The lie blossomed.
This continued throughout high school. I did let my hair grow out, I got braces, and no longer wore my sister's hand me downs, but I still didn't feel beautiful. Boys would pick on me, ask me out, but I believed it was all just a joke; so I'd say no. They couldn't possibly believe that I was beautiful.
Satan really used this. Even right out of high school, so desperate to believe the lie, believe that I was beautiful, I did things that I now regret all because I just wanted ONE person to believe I was beautiful. I even began to highlight my hair, tan, spend all my money on fashionable clothes. Desperately seeking beauty.
Married to a man I find extremely handsome, I never really understood why he wanted to marry me. Time after time he tells me how beautiful I am. He means it, but something keeps from believing it. I've spent my entire marriage pushing away the ONE thing I wanted.
About a month ago, I was tagged in the #20beautifulwomenchallenge. I ignored it because even then I didn't believe I was beautiful enough to post a selfie of me labeled {#beautiful}. Why is it so hard to believe that I am beautiful? I know why...I was searching for beauty that stems from the world's eyes, instead of the eyes of the very image I am created, God.
Now here I am, thirty something years later, after lunch with my boys, country music still played in the background, my boys took turns cutting in to dance with their momma in our kitchen. God spoke to me in that moment...You are beautiful! And I BELIEVED it!
True beauty is exposed through the eyes of God. - Sarah Terry
You are beautiful! Know it! Believe it!
